If you’re stressed about money, you’re not alone.
And no, it’s not just “because you need a budget” or “should meditate more.”

For a lot of us, especially after financial trauma or divorce, money anxiety runs deep. It’s not just about the numbers, it’s about feeling unsafe, unsupported, and out of control.

Divorce doesn’t just split up a relationship. It can split up your finances, your stability, and your sense of self.

If you’ve experienced financial abuse, been out of the workforce, or suddenly found yourself parenting solo with no backup plan, the money side of divorce can feel like an impossible mountain to climb.

When you’re on a low income, recovering from financial abuse, or starting over with zero savings, you don’t always have the luxury of paying for essentials upfront.

If you’re a woman in your 40s or early 50s feeling like you're barely keeping your head above water, you’re not imagining it — the struggle is real, and you’re far from alone.

I remember the first time I ever calculated my net worth.

I was sitting at my coffee table, surrounded by scribbled budget notes, half-drunk tea, and a growing sense of dread. I had been back in Aotearoa for 10 months, arriving with just my toddler and a suitcase. No car. No money. No plan. Just survival mode.

If you’ve ever felt like most personal finance advice doesn’t speak to your life, you’re not imagining it.

It’s difficult to find personal finance information for women dealing with the extra challenges that come from a marriage or relationship breakdown — especially when financial abuse has left you starting over from scratch.

She’s Worth It exists because we need more than just money tips.
We need healing, rebuilding, and reclaiming — stability, independence, and abundance after life has knocked us down.

In Aotearoa, the gender gap doesn’t just show up in pay packets — it’s sitting in our KiwiSaver accounts too. As of March 17, 2025, the average KiwiSaver balance for men was $42,664. For women? Just $34,185. That’s a gap of $8,479 — around 25% — and it’s not getting smaller. In fact, it’s widening, especially among younger women.

Getting out of debt is hard enough on its own. But when you've been through financial abuse, a divorce, or had to start over from nothing, it’s not just a numbers game — it’s a healing journey.

You’re not irresponsible. You’re not a failure.
You’re someone who survived — and now you’re rebuilding.

In New Zealand, women are more likely than men to experience financial hardship following a relationship breakdown, and women who have experienced financial abuse report significantly lower financial resilience (Te Ara Ahunga Ora Retirement Commission, 2021).
If this is part of your story, you’re far from alone — and there’s a path forward.

A study from the National Network to End Domestic Violence highlights that financial abuse occurs in 99% of domestic violence cases, underscoring just how prevalent and damaging it is. Financial abuse doesn't just limit your freedom; it chips away at your self-esteem, mental health, and ability to plan for the future.

When you’ve been through trauma, whether it’s emotional, financial, relational, or physical, your brain and body find ways to cope. Some of those coping mechanisms become patterns. And for a lot of us, those patterns involve spending.

You don’t have to be shouted at or locked out of your bank account to be financially controlled. Sometimes it’s quiet. Subtle. Easy to explain away, until you realise you’re trapped in a pattern that chips away at your confidence, freedom, and independence.

Financial control often hides behind good intentions, gender roles, or “just being responsible.” But here’s the truth: if money is being used to manipulate, restrict, or undermine you, that’s not just unfair, it may be financial abuse.

Debt repayment gives you something clear to work towards. There’s urgency. There’s structure. There’s a very obvious sense of “right, I need to get out of this.”

But once the debt is gone, the structure disappears and you’re left facing a blank page. For a while, I felt a little lost. I’d been in survival mode for so long that I hadn’t thought much beyond the milestone.

That’s when I realised: becoming debt-free isn’t the finish line. It’s the starting point.

When we think about abuse, money isn’t always the first thing that comes to mind. But financial abuse is one of the most common, and invisible, forms of control in relationships. Financial abuse, also known as economic harm, happens when someone uses money as a way to control, isolate, or manipulate you. It can affect anyone, but it’s most commonly experienced by women in intimate partner relationships. And more often than not, it’s subtle. Quiet. Easy to miss. Especially when you’re in it.

When you’re facing financial struggles—whether your budget isn’t covering your expenses or you’re just starting out and feel like your situation is hopeless—it’s easy to get stuck in a cycle of overwhelm. But instead of focusing on what you don’t have, shifting your mindset toward resourcefulness can open up a world of possibilities.

In the aftermath of a divorce or financial abuse, rebuilding your life can feel overwhelming. The path ahead may seem uncertain, and at times, it can be difficult to stay focused on your goals. This is where finding your ‘why’ becomes essential.

Having an emergency fund offers immense peace of mind. It provides a financial buffer that helps you manage life’s uncertainties with confidence. Knowing you have funds set aside for emergencies can reduce stress and allow you to focus on rebuilding your life and achieving your financial goals.