The $10,000 Price Tag of Leaving Abuse
Reflecting on Good Shepherd NZ’s July 2025 report, “Barriers to Exit”.
If you've lived it, you don’t need a research paper to tell you that leaving an abusive relationship is hard, especially when money is tight, or gone altogether. But sometimes, seeing the numbers laid out helps validate our experience. It shows we’re not imagining it. That it’s not just “bad luck” or “poor decisions.” It’s a system that fails women over and over again.
The latest Good Shepherd NZ report, Barriers to Exit: How financial barriers prevent women from leaving abusive relationships, is one of the clearest, most compassionate breakdowns I’ve read lately about why so many women stay. And why so many of us walk away not just traumatised, but broke.
Here’s what stood out:
🔐 It’s not “just money” — it’s control
Economic abuse includes behaviours like taking your wages, blocking access to bank accounts, building up debt in your name, forcing you to stop working, and using joint mortgages or bills to keep you financially trapped. It can also include isolation from your support network, which cuts off your options for help.
📉 The cost of leaving is brutal
The report estimates a conservative $10,000 to escape, including bond, rent, car costs, furniture, phone, ID documents, and basic essentials. That doesn’t include legal fees. In Australia, the estimate is closer to $18,000.
💸 You might look like you have money, but have none
One of the most frustrating realities of economic abuse is that you can appear ineligible for help because of assets or income in your name, even if you can’t actually access them. This disqualifies many women from legal aid, benefits, or grants. It's not just unfair, it's dangerous.
⚖️ Legal support is expensive, inaccessible, and broken
Legal advice can be the turning point for many victim-survivors but the system is stacked with barriers. Lawyers are expensive. Legal aid is often a loan. Debt follows women even after they escape.
📉 Debt is a form of entrapment
Whether it’s coerced credit cards, government loans from Work and Income, or having to withdraw KiwiSaver early, women are forced to trade their future stability for present-day survival. And poor credit scores, often caused by the abuser’s actions, can prevent you from getting housing, power, even a job.
📣 We need system-wide change
The report offers seven bold, practical recommendations, including:
Recognising economic abuse as violence
Wiping government debt related to family violence
Expanding legal aid access
Creating a one-off grant to cover exit costs
💔 This report isn’t just research. It’s a mirror.
For those of us who’ve lived this, it’s healing to see our stories honoured with facts. It’s also a reminder: we were never “bad with money” — we were financially abused.
If you’re in this situation now, or still recovering years later, you’re not alone. You don’t have to rebuild from scratch in silence.
👉 I encourage you to read the full report here:
https://goodshepherd.org.nz/publications/report-financial-barriers-to-exiting-abusive-relationships/
🖤 We deserve safety and financial freedom. Let's keep pushing for both.
