Parenting Without a Village: The Financial Reality Too Many Women Face
We’ve all heard the saying: “It takes a village to raise a child.” But what happens when you don’t have one?
What if you’re the one making lunches, wiping tears, doing daycare drop-offs, and working late into the night — alone?
What if there’s no one to tag in when you're burnt out, no family nearby to help with pickups, no co-parent to share weekends?
I want to talk about that.
Because for a lot of us — especially single mums — this is the reality. And it’s not something we talk about nearly enough.
The Emotional Toll of Doing It All Alone
Parenting without a village is more than exhausting — it can be invisible. You keep going, because you have to. But underneath the survival mode, there's often loneliness, resentment, and grief.
A study on single mothers’ wellbeing found that social support significantly affects emotional health, with nearly 52% of well-being linked to whether we feel supported or not. When you’re doing everything alone, that lack of support impacts more than just your mood — it chips away at your confidence, your mental health, and your ability to imagine anything beyond the day-to-day.
The Hidden Financial Cost of Not Having a Village
This part doesn’t get said enough:
Lack of support can directly limit your earning potential.
When you don’t have someone to help with care, every dollar you earn has to cover your absence. And every hour of work has to be balanced against what it might cost you in childcare, energy, or time with your kids.
Here’s what that can look like:
🍼 Childcare You Can’t Always Afford
Even with subsidies, childcare is expensive. And without someone to help pick up the slack — family, a co-parent, a reliable friend — you’re often turning down extra hours, job interviews, or opportunities just because they don’t align with pickup times or school holidays.
🕰️ Reduced Capacity to Work
I have my child full-time. No week-on, week-off arrangement.
And I don’t have any family living nearby who can help out if I have to stay late or attend an event. That means I work within a strict window. It means saying no to networking nights, late meetings, or anything that might push past 5pm.
🔄 Stuck in Survival Mode
Without backup, everything falls on you. And when you’re stretched that thin, you can’t afford to dream big. Not because you’re not ambitious — but because you simply don’t have the margin.
💬 “It’s not that I don’t want more — it’s that I’m already doing everything I can just to keep us going.”
Realistic Ways to Build Your Own Support (Even Without a Village)
This isn’t going to be a list of fluffy self-care tips. You don’t need another reminder to light a candle or take a bath. What you need are strategies that actually work when you’re flying solo.
Here’s what’s helped me, and what might help you too:
1. Find Your Micro-Village
Not everyone has extended family or a big friend group — but even one or two good people can make a huge difference.
Reach out to other parents at school or daycare.
Join online single parent groups in your area — even if you’re shy.
Say yes to connection, even when it feels awkward. You’re not alone.
2. Accept (and Ask For) Help
This one’s hard, especially if you're used to being the strong one. But sometimes support doesn’t come until we make space for it.
Ask a friend to swap pickups once a week.
Say yes when someone offers to help — even if it’s just with a meal.
Consider community or church-based support networks. They exist for a reason.
3. Simplify Absolutely Everything
This isn’t the season to be doing it all. Let go of the Pinterest-perfect expectations.
Meal plan the same 5 dinners each week.
Batch errands or outsource if you can.
Use reminders, calendars, anything that keeps your brain from overflowing.
4. Find Emotional Anchors
Even if you don’t have hands-on help, emotional support matters just as much.
Follow accounts that remind you you’re doing okay.
Voice note with a friend when the loneliness creeps in.
Write yourself a kind message on the fridge. Seriously.
5. Start Where You Are
You don’t need a full support system tomorrow. You just need to know it’s okay to not be able to do it all. That doesn’t make you a bad mum — it makes you a human one.
You’re Not Failing — You’re Operating Without a Safety Net
If this season feels hard, it’s because it is.
You’re doing the jobs of many — and you’re doing it without rest.
But you're not broken, and you're not failing.
Your capacity isn’t a flaw.
Your burnout isn’t weakness.
You are doing the best you can in an unsupported system — and that is an act of bravery.
And here’s the part that’s often overlooked:
When you don’t have a village, your financial systems are your safety net.
They won’t cuddle your kid when they’re sick or make dinner when you’re overwhelmed — but they can:
💛 Buy you time
💛 Give you options
💛 Create breathing room
💛 Help you sleep better at night
Things like:
An emergency fund that cushions the unexpected
A budget that reflects your actual life (not just someone else’s ideal)
A system for tracking your progress so you know you’re not stuck
You don’t need to be perfect with money. You don’t need to have it all figured out.
But every step you take toward financial clarity is a step toward resilience — especially when you’re doing it solo.
So if you’re navigating life without a village, know this:
You’re not just surviving. You’re building something powerful.
And every choice you make to care for yourself — emotionally, practically, financially — is an act of self-trust.
You are your own village.
And you’re doing an incredible job.
