How to Recover Financially After Divorce (Even If You're Starting From Zero)
Divorce doesn’t just split up a relationship. It can split up your finances, your stability, and your sense of self.
If you’ve experienced financial abuse, been out of the workforce, or suddenly found yourself parenting solo with no backup plan, the money side of divorce can feel like an impossible mountain to climb.
I know because I’ve been there. In 2020, I returned to Aotearoa with my child and a suitcase. I had no emergency fund, a stack of debt, and a nervous system that was running on fumes. Rebuilding felt overwhelming, but little by little, I did it. And so can you.
Here’s how to recover financially after divorce, especially if you’re starting over from scratch.
1. Accept That Rebuilding Takes Time — And That’s Okay
There’s no deadline for getting your financial life back together. You're not behind. You're not late. You're just on a new path, and that path looks different for everyone.
There is no shame in starting from zero. What matters is that you’ve made the decision to rebuild. That’s powerful in itself.
2. Start With Clarity, Not Shame
Looking at your bank accounts or debts post-divorce can be terrifying, especially if you weren’t the one managing the money or if your ex left a mess behind.
But awareness is the first step in taking back your power.
Track what’s coming in, what’s going out, and what you owe — not as a way to judge yourself, but as a way to get clarity. You don’t need to do it all at once, and you definitely don’t need to do it perfectly. Just take that first brave look.
3. Build Your Budget Around Your Life
Forget the budgeting influencers with their colour-coded spreadsheets and strict rules. Your budget doesn’t need to be Instagrammable. It needs to work for you.
When I first started, I used to write my budget on the back of old envelopes. These days, I jot it down in a notebook and get a weird amount of joy from manually ticking things off when I’ve paid them. That’s what works for my brain. You get to find what works for yours.
The key is to make your budget personal, and to include a little room for joy and breathing space. This isn’t about punishment. It’s about stability.
4. Focus on Safety Nets First
One of the best feelings in the world is knowing that if your car breaks down or the power bill spikes, you’ve got it covered. That’s what an emergency fund does. It helps you breathe easier.
But don’t let the size of the goal stop you from starting.
It took me four years to build a three-month emergency fund. Now I’m working toward six. Start with $50. Then $500. Keep going.
You don’t have to race to the finish line, just keep showing up.
5. Deal With Debt — Gently
If you’re carrying debt after divorce, you’re not alone, and you’re not a failure. For many of us, debt was a byproduct of survival. It doesn’t define you.
Choose a repayment method that works for your life and your capacity. Whether that’s snowball (smallest balance first) or avalanche (highest interest first), the right approach is the one you can stick with. And if it’s overwhelming, reach out to places like MoneyTalks. You don’t have to figure it all out alone.
6. Rebuild Your Financial Identity
After divorce, it can feel like nothing is yours anymore. That’s why I started small, putting just $5 a week into Sharesies and my KiwiSaver. It wasn’t a huge amount, but it was mine.
Those $5 deposits were a quiet promise to myself: I’m building a foundation. I’m taking care of future me.
Reclaim your money space, even if it’s just a little at a time. Get your own bank account. Pay a bill in your name. Put something away for you. That’s how you start rebuilding trust in yourself.
7. Heal Your Money Mindset
You are not “bad with money.” You may have been disempowered around money. You may have had beliefs planted in you by a partner, your parents, or society. But you can unlearn those beliefs, and you can write a new story.
Start noticing the thoughts that pop up when you spend, save, or look at your accounts. Are they kind? Supportive? Fear-based?
Your mindset won’t change overnight, but awareness is where the healing begins.
8. Redefine What Success Looks Like
When I returned to work after my marriage ended, I knew I couldn’t operate at full steam. My nervous system was frazzled, and I needed a job that gave me flexibility, something that worked with my role as a solo parent and didn’t push me to burnout.
I found a role that met those needs. It wasn’t perfect, but it was sustainable. That’s success.
Your income journey may not look like a rocket ship right now, but stability is a superpower. Build from there.
9. Celebrate Every Win — They Add Up
A friend of mine recently told me she’d changed her internet provider and cancelled a subscription. She saved $45 a month — over $500 a year. She shrugged it off as “not a big deal.”
But it is a big deal.
It’s these kinds of decisions — the small, intentional changes — that stack up and transform your financial future.
So celebrate the little wins. Because they’re actually the big ones.
10. Money Doesn’t Define Your Worth But It Can Restore Your Security
Let me be clear: money does not equal worth.
You are valuable, lovable, and deserving, no matter what your bank account says.
But money can help you feel safe again. It can give you options. It can help you say “no” to what drains you and “yes” to what supports you.
And slowly, it can help you rebuild a sense of trust in yourself — one dollar, one boundary, one decision at a time.
Final Thoughts:
Recovering financially after divorce isn’t about becoming rich. It’s about becoming resourced.
It’s about knowing that you can back yourself. That you have options. That you’re not stuck anymore.
You don’t have to get it perfect. You just have to start.
And you don’t have to do it alone.
That’s why She’s Worth It exists, to walk this path with you, without shame, without fluff, and without judgement.
You're not broken. You're rebuilding. And you’re doing better than you think. 💛
