8 Subtle Signs You’re Being Financially Controlled (and Don’t Even Know It)

You don’t have to be shouted at or locked out of your bank account to be financially controlled. Sometimes it’s quiet. Subtle. Easy to explain away, until you realise you’re trapped in a pattern that chips away at your confidence, freedom, and independence.

Financial control often hides behind good intentions, gender roles, or “just being responsible.” But here’s the truth: if money is being used to manipulate, restrict, or undermine you, that’s not just unfair, it may be financial abuse.

Here are eight signs to watch out for:

1. You feel guilty every time you spend money - even when it’s yours.

You might find yourself over-explaining small purchases or putting things back on the shelf even when they’re necessities. You second-guess your decisions and feel anxious after buying anything, no matter how minor.

2. You have to ask permission for everyday spending.

Whether it’s groceries, nappies, or a haircut, you feel like you need to justify it - or ask first. It may be positioned as “being on the same page” about money, but you’re not treated like an equal in the relationship.

3. Your partner earns more, so they control the money.

They handle all the bills, decide how the budget works, and you have limited access (or none) to accounts. Even if you work, your earnings are seen as “extra,” while theirs give them the power.

4. You’re discouraged or blocked from working.

They say things like, “It’s better for the kids if you’re home,” or “My job is more stable anyway.” Over time, you find yourself financially dependent, with no recent work experience to fall back on.

5. You don’t know what debts or assets are in your name.

You’ve discovered loans or credit cards opened without your full understanding or consent. Or you’ve been shut out of discussions about big purchases, even when they impact you.

6. You’re made to feel like you’re bad with money.

You’re constantly told you’re “bad with budgeting,” “too emotional” to handle finances, or that you “spend too much.” These comments might be framed as jokes, but they stick.

7. Spending on your needs is questioned but theirs is justified.

You’re told your skincare is indulgent, your coffee habit wasteful. Meanwhile, expensive tools, hobbies, or tech purchases are “investments.” This double standard slowly makes you feel like your needs don’t matter.

8. They conveniently “forget” to pay for things, leaving you to cover it.

They miss paying their half of the bills, forget their wallet at dinner, or leave you covering the power bill - again. Yet, they never seem short when it comes to buying for themselves. You end up carrying the financial and emotional load, while they quietly hoard money out of reach.

If This Sounds Familiar…

You are not imagining things. And you are not overreacting.

Financial abuse is real, and it thrives in silence. If any of these signs resonate with you, take a moment to read the rest of my financial abuse series:

• What Is Financial Abuse? Here’s How to Recognise the Signs

• How Financial Abuse Affects Your Self-Worth (and How to Rebuild It)

And if you want to feel less alone in this journey, join the She’s Worth It newsletter. You’ll get free weekly blog posts, tools, and encouragement as you heal and build your financial independence.

You’ve always been worthy. Now it’s time to reclaim your power - and your peace.